Half-heartedly

Did anyone ever say before that ideas often came to us when we most unexpected it? For example, when you are in the bathroom, washing your hair or brushing your teeth. Or maybe you are just getting ready for bed or else you were walking towards your car..

Well, I am one of these person who gets ideas during these kinds of situations.. therefore, 1 turn up when I am bathing just now.. 10 minutes ago.. and I feel that I just have to blog about it..

Here it goes...

Have you ever done anything half-heartedly?

Whether the answer you give is YES or NO, it doesn't really matter actually.. since the results is the BEST answer ever.. no matter what you do, the end result shows how much effort you actually put into the process and other people can feel it.

ME.. I often have too many hearts..

YUP.. too many hearts..

During my primary school years, I have often joked with my friends about being a singer or actress or whatever celebrity there is.. oh.. and even those cartoon characters.. we will talk about it forever and even role playing these characters.. I guess that could be one of my ambition during my early years.. being some kind of celebrity..

Then, as time passes.. I no longer think that being a celebrity will come true.. thus, when teacher ask for our ambiton, mine will always be

TEACHER
DOCTOR

yup.. those typical primary school children ambition.. well, I guess that's peer influences.. most of my friends wrote that down.. and thus I follow.. since to me I think that that is appropriate..

mind you, I never thought of writing to be a designer..

Then, came the secondary school time.. where most actions takes place.. I became the typical 13 years old school girl which have great hopes for my secondary life. The biggest hope will be I will finally be free of dentist..

yup..
since one of my friend told me that her brother told her that the dentist will not visit the secondary school for free services..
wow.. when I heard of it, i sigh a big big relief.. I was really happy and glad.. therefore, I enter into my secondary life happily..

I joined the Librarian.. and the Pandu Puteri.. and the Leo Club.. and the Volley ball school team..

busy secondary life..
and I would not ever forget that day, that minute..
It was sports day soon, and we were rehersing for the parade.. and I am in the Librarian team..
and then, in the middle of parading.. the nightmare began..

I SAW THE VAN, WITH THE WORDS IN RED..

KLINIK PERGIGIAN............. that's all I see.. and that's enough...

THERE'S DENTIST AT SCHOOL..

see? all my hopes crumble.. and I fear the day when our class turn for check-up... and that almost a 2 week later.. (which I fear for 2 whole weeks.. tremble everytime some one came to class to announce something..)

ok, pass..

my point is, during my secondary life, I did not want to become a teacher anymore.. I wanted to be a volleyball player.. however, this dream did not came true..

It's not that I did not put my whole heart into it.. but it's because I moved during my Form 2 into another house.. which means.. changing school..

new school, new environment, new people, new teachers..

and I mean it.. NEW..
this is school is just about 1-2 years old when I joined.. everything is new..
in this new environment, I did make new friends.. however, I did not join any activites I join during my Form 1..

why?
well, it's new to me.. I have no friends yet.. I know nothing of the school custom and everything.. and when I start to get use to it, none of my friends wanted to join anything.. and I admit.. I did not dare to join alone... it's the same until Form 5.. where we know we have our school activities in our end school report.. which is to submit with SPM results to colleges.. then, only my friends were willing to join clubs and whatsoever.. but, it's not fun.. since not much activities been done..

anyway, after my secondary life, I am positive that I do not want to be a TEACHER, nor a DOCTOR, and surely not a CELEBRITY..

It was during this period of time that I did many half-hearted activities..

I joined a dance class.. and I wanted to become some kind of dancer.. which has smooth, elegant and graceful movements..

I still having my piano lesson, and taking grade 8 during my SPM year.. which I aim to pass..

I have started my violin lesson since Form 2.. and I loved the instrument and aim to become a great player...

I am taking SPM too...

with so many activities.. and I really love it all WHOLE heartedly.. I really have hopes in each and everyone of them.. but I guess I am not those who can score great in SPM while still maintaing a high standards in others activities...

I can say that I give my best shot in SPM.. I stop my piano lesson, violin lesson, dance lesson..
and I really study.. and I am quite pleased with myself.. that, I can say I take my SPM whole heartedly..(at least.. the last minutes...)

however, my grade 8 piano exams were totally the opposite..
I failed my theory and also the practical... for theory, I half expected it as I am not really satisfied with my answers.. but for that moment, that is only what I can do.. I guess I did not work hard enough.. those taking piano lesson should knows.. grade 8 is tough.. and the practical, even before I came out from the examiner room, I know I had FAILED... i played wrong notes for every scales.. wrong notes in all 3 pieces.. answer badly in aural and sight reading.. I nearly cried when I walked out the room.. I know the result..

That's just the point.. I did have hopes.. but I did not work hard enough.. I am taking my piano lesson half-heartedly.. I ADMIT IT.. I just had to retake the exam again... this time, I feel I am able to understand it better.. maybe it's just because I spend longer time than last time..

I take my theory exam during the day SPM results were out... OMG.. when I saw the exam date I almost faint.. why do they have to put it the same day? beside being noisy that day (since exams is held at all secondary school) ME.. I am one of the students who are getting the SPM results.. how can I stand the agony of thinking how did I score in SPM when I ought to concentrate on the exams.. however, things went well.. that must be my lucky day.. I was able to answer the questions without thinking too much.. I kinda know the answers.. either the questions are easier or I am more well equip.. I'm not sure.. what I am sure is the results which came 3 months later.. I almost score a merit.. 2 more marks and I will have a merit in Grade 8 theory.. wow.. I am speechless.. I score 24/25 for the last sections.. almost full marks.. this is the question where I get 13/25 the first round.. really.. I am really surprise... I never expected it.. I know it is not really great.. but for me, who get only 52 the first time, I am really glad to get the result sheet which bare my name and stated 78 marks.. wow.. great improvement ya? haha

later on, came the day for practical exams.. taking 2 exams tat day.. violin grade 5 and piano grade 8.. my worries is for the piano.. lesser for violin.. partly because I am exmining my piano and then only violin.. however, I play much more better than the 1st time... less wrong notes and I am more familiar with the pieces and scales... marks may not be great.. but when compared.. I feel great.. haha.. 1st time only 82, and this time, 105.. yup... just pass..(u need at least 100 to pass) but I just feel like celebrating!!!!!


and then, the SPM results.. yup... I am pleased with it also.. never expected it.. real happy.. and my parents were glad too.. as my results means saving them a few thousand ringgits..(college fees..)

and then, violin.. so so... since I guess I am doing so many things.. I did not really concentrated on it.. until now, my intonations is still not accurate, bowing not perfect, pitch not great.. etc etc etc.. I am just not working hard.. not putting whole heart into it.. I just have the interest..

btw, i had drop the dance lesson.. since no one is able to attend with me and I just feel weird turning up alone in a class all unknown after stopping for almost 2 months.. (I attend alone in the first place, but I guess I just got used to be in company..)

I always feel that I had toooooo many interest.. I love the piano, violin, design, books, foods, comics, tvb shows, Sammi, and recently Yoga...

I wanted to do everything at the same time.. I just feel like it.. I did not want to give up anyone.. not one..

But I know.. I am not talented nor gifted like some other people.. these people can do all they like and still get the best results.. sometimes I feel like they have 72 hours per day.. if not, how come they can finish their assignment and get great grades for it and still did well in other activities? oh right, they work hard.. yea.. that's true.. I totally agree that you have to work hard.. but.. how do you work hard for 10 things in a day? that's just not enough time..

so, the conclusion will be that they are TALENTED...
therefore, for people that are less talented.. they just have to work harder and harder.. trying to extend their days longer.. maybe 84 hours per day.. that maybe sufficient..

Oh well, the only thing to do is just to put your whole heart in to everything you do.. therefore, even when you did not get good results, you will never regret.. you might feel bad.. but the best is you will never say why did I not did this this this then... you will only feel sad.. but deep down, you know you are the best as you did your best... nothing to regret.. nothing at all..