Self-review

It is already half way through the 1st month of twenty-eleven. And what have I done?

It is time to give myself a short review and decide which part should I work more.

1. Had a big mouth that don't think before speaking.

I hate myself at times. The worst thing is, I hate myself after I speak. Very often, I will speak aimlessly, or without thinking that what I said might have hurt someone, or give a bad impression of me. After speaking, and laughing it off, I would head back home and then it dawn on me that I might have said something wrong. I would start to think, maybe I should not said that. Or, I would keep thinking of I should have said 'that' instead of 'this'. Recently, it really became worse. I started to feel a lot more and more insecurity. I started to not believing my fast judgement and I am afraid I might have make some bad impression. If I have notice this while speaking, I could have control myself, but I did not. I only think after the incident and this is damn stupid.

2. Watching a lot of drama everyday. More than half the day spent infront of the laptop.

It is really bad for the eyes. And it is also very bad for my mentality. I am afraid I would sooner or later fall into the deep pit of TVB without me realising and when I want to crawl out, it will be too late. Who can help me then? Since arriving at Nottingham to study, I had been relying on TVB for cheering me up and entertaining me. I watch when I am bored, happy, sad, worry, emo, stress, sleepy, hungry, full. In short, all my free time inside the room. How can I do that? I think I really should control myself a little. At least, cut down half of it. I hope I would not get depressed and forget about controlling and keep going on. *ush!*

3. Starting to write the dissertation but realised I forgot how to write.

The term had begun for the 2nd week now and I had to start my dissertation. I don't dislike writing but I noticed, I can't write. I am just lost for what in the world I had to write. It seems too broad and what should I do? And then, the bomb fall on me on Friday. We had to do a Product Specification. What the hell is that all about? The lecturer then went on to talk about the engineering process, the graph, and blah blah blah. And we are all suppose to produce THOSE! He said that although we are not engineering but it is a process that we should all follow. My friends, you know me. I am an idiot in science. All because of the science subject, I can't get straight As in both my UPSR and PMR. BOTH!!!! And now, I am required to work the scientific ways and with all those formulas and numbers and decision. It is getting my nerves now. I did not realised that a designer should deal with these science. I choose design because it is arts and because it is free. I do not have to follow any formula because it is arts. But then, he tell me that a designer SHOULD follow a formula and blah blah blah. What am I to do now? I have zero knowledge in this field. You would have said, good then. You learn more things. (Well, this is what I tell my other friend previously as something similar happened to her earlier) But, the problem is, I don't understand why is these process important. I am so sorry if that question make me more idiotic. He said that in an artistic sense, it is right to do what you want but he's afraid that that is not the way to get an academic approval. WTH! He said that in order for us to pass this MA, the panel are looking at our formulas and process and it need to be done. I still think that it is stupid. I have tried reading the books about this subject and I'm sorry to say that not one word had entered my mind. I totally do not understand what in the world is the Pugh guy talking about. It is totally alien language. Maybe I should just get into a rocket and fly myself to the Mars and ask the Martian to teach me alien language. It should be a lot easier.

4. I have eaten a lots for the pass few months and I have not sweat. Therefore, a gym it is.

Yes. I have finally decided to join the gym nearby. It has a swimming pool, although come to think of it I am not sure whether I would go swimming everytime I go there. The job of washing and drying my swimsuit is just too much for me. However, I love the equipment there as it makes me sweat. And the classes are great as well. I just hope I can keep going for the 6 months as I have sign the membership for 6 months. At least, I want to be slim when I'm back.

5. Not travelling at all.

I can foresee that it is going to be a lot more crazy in the coming months. But I have not forgotten my idea to travel. No matter how busy it is, I am sure the weekend would be good enough for me to travel to some place nearby. Weekend is a 100% sure that I would not do any work at all. It would be wasting my precious time in the UK by hiding myself inside the room and watching my laptop whole day. It would be an idiotic act. Planning my escaped now. I hope I have some great photos for you guys soon. I had not really explore any new angle in taking photos previously in London as we seem to be in a rush everytime we reach a spot. So,  just a snap-and-go-attitude. However, I would really like to spent sometime, exploring my surrounding, taking photos until I am satisfied. Stay tuned!



ps. I had a great chat with my dear friend since childhood, about her coming to the UK to travel with me end of the year. SC! Make sure you put more effort persuading your daddy. Haha.. You don't want to disappoint me right?!

Oh, and the way we think of how to persuade her parents to sponsor her to the UK, it make me think back how we used to discuss ways to persuade our parents to let us go and play at each other house, to sleepover together or to some nearby shopping complex. Those days, we use the phone and we can talk at the phone for hours until my mom will scold. Thinking back, those days are really funny. We can plot a lot of reason to tell mom to allow me to go over to her house to play, when her house is just behind my house. See? How much had we now grown? We don't talk so much on the phone anymore. Partly because the phone is expansive (my dad use to scold me for talking so long thus making him paying a high phone bill) and because we all now know how to use the internet. Time really flies. Now we are plotting to persuade her parents to allow her to visit me as well, but over country. No over house. And we use the MSN to discuss, not the phone anymore.

It's really kind of sad actually. Since talking throught the internet or sms is really not human-touch enough. We might get 'long-distance' if we are not careful. Luckily, both of us are really idiot. We click each time we met, which is almost once per year.. LoL..

Hey SC! Don't forget your mission ya. Behave well these days and helps daddy more.. Be a good girl.. Haha..


^^