Sometimes, I will think..
Why do I actually in the 1st place choose to do this?
Why must I pressure myself?
Why must I forced myself to continue?
Why can't I just let go and let it be?
I hate to give up eventhough I can't perform well, eventhough I'm lazy..
When I decided to continue my piano lesson since I'm about 7, I did not plan to stop until I finish my grade 8..
When I started my violin lesson at 14, I had already know I will not give up until I've taken the Grade 8 as well..
When I decided to take up Interior Architecture and Design, I know I will not regret and give up no matter how hard it is..
However, I sometimes will ask myself,
Why must I forced myself if I feel that I can't do well in it?
It's true that I don't really did well in my piano.. partly, I did not practise enough, and also I might not have the talent you need to have..
and I might also say that I did not spend enough time on my violin practises as well. It's because I'm lazy and busy.. when I am free, I'm tired.. when I'm not tired, I'm lazy, when I'm not lazy, I'm busy.. since college life started, I even have lesser time.. therefore, the violin lesson did not really go well.. and when I spend sometime trying to get the perfect pitch.. I'm so fustrated.. coz no matter where I press, I could not get it in tuned.. this due to less practise..
therefore, I'm so stress.. and I started to think, why don't I just stop everything, and just continue with my college life.. but then, I'm stubborn.
I did not want to just give up like that.. I believe one day I may get the tune I want.. furthermore, I do have the interest in it.. It's only the matter of time, and if I stop now, I am sure I will regret sooner or later..
And also, one could not just live with the college life and no other right?
but you may ask
why must you choose something so stressful?
It's really fustrating when the exams are near.. and I need to get the pitch right, memorise the scales, brush up my sight-reading skill and also be more good in the aural test.. all these are just too much for me.. I admit that in the 1st place I did not really put much effort in it.. but I just can't put a full-stop in the lesson just because I'm lazy...
do I make sense?
okay, I guess I do not..
but nevermind.. I just feel like rambling some idiotic things...
I'm just tooooo stressful at this moment and I feel I need to let it out...!!!!!!
at this precious moment when I'm typing these nonsense, I ought to have been working with the models.!!!
ya.. it's those modelssssssss.....................
it's driving me crazy..
and leads me to think..
why if I hate to do this do I aim to complete this course?
why if I do not like to build models or draw or sketch or whatsoever, do I need to continue struggling?
well, I guess it's because that's my choice..
I've made the choice and I'm going to prove to not just anyone, but only to MYSELF that I'd make the right decision..
and I CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!