Sometimes, I really miss the time.. about 2-3 years ago, when I still new in college. Those time are the best. I never realise until I finish them. It's crazy, rushing deadlines and working non-sleep for 2 days 2 nights but before these madness, I have thousand of times to go shopping, to joke around, to learn my music and to do my craft. I do not have much worries and I have my friends and family all around me.
When I start working, it takes up all my time. Wake up, go work, finish work rush to music centre either for my class or to teach, back home, supper and sleep. It is a very busy life for me and I don't have much time for myself but otherwise, I'm worry-less as my work doesn't require me to do OT. (the fact is I day-dream everyday at work.. I have nothing to do..)
I started to think I'm suffocating. I can't seem to know what I want. And that's the time when I started to think I want a change in life. I wanted to experience something different while I'm still young and free. Therefore I decided to go oversea for studies. It is more of the fact that I am going to overseas than I am to study. I'm excited but I'm actually quite reluctant to let go of my music career which just started. Friends told me that I can still have them when I go back Malaysia. But, can I really? I really don't know. But for sure, I wouldn't forget about them.
Now, I am in UK. And I miss my family terribly!!!
I don't really regret coming to the UK as the experience here is really great. I learn many new things but I really miss my family. I have never been as alone as I am now. Everyday I walk back to my room with no one waiting for me. When I need someone to talk to, everyone of them is already sleeping. No one to comfort me. No one to share my laughter. No one to listen to me. When I want to complain, no one will listen. When I want to share my happiness, no one will share them. This kind of loneliness almost make me want to stop studying and forget about getting the experience and straight fly back to KL, back to where comfort is.
When it's night and I doesn't want to do any assignment, I will feel depressed. I need my family. I need them to motivate me. I just realised that I have so much fun in college because everytime I experience something, and I reach home, there's someone there ready to welcome me back and listen to my experience. Here.. No one. Just me.