just so...

my last piano lesson is about more than half a year ago... when i finish my grade 8. then, i had plan to continue to the diploma.. but then.. it is the financial problem.. so, since i finish grade 8, i finally can stop a class, which means, less burden for my parents. so, i did not push on the matter...

i did not stop thinking a moment about this diploma lesson though.. i'm not really skilled or great.. it's just a pass on my result, but if i stop right here, i will not get anywhere.. not even able to teach.. so, what's the use of studying right up to grade 8? only for the cert? if it's only for the cert, and i won't be able to do anything, what's the use?

now, i'm thinking of bringing the subject up again but i feel reluctant.. i do not know what to tell my parents, if only i can pay for the fees.. but the diploma lessong will be extremely costly.. and i can't just bring myself to disscuss about it..

further more, where do i get the time..? everyday, i reach home, i feel tired.. extremely tired.. on wed, i hav my violin class, and sometimes i just feel so tired to go.. so, will i feel the same if i hav my diploma lesson? now, when i imagine it, i feel okay, as i really enjoy the piano, but will i regret? i'm really unsure..

i just feel like trying.. if it's really too much, i can just quit.. but if i am to quit before i try, i am not going to be satisfied.

so there...