I just want to get away from all this for a while
I want to be free of all this
I want an escape
I want to just forget about all of it
I want to be selfish, extremely selfish
I want to be able to just quit
I want to gain back myself
I just want to be myself
Is that really hard I wonder
Just be truthful to yourself, I told myself
But reality sucks
I can never really be truthful as the truth always hurt people.
People beside me.
People who care about me.
People who loves me.
People who needs me.
People who just know me.
People who understand me.
People who did not understand me.
I wanted to just escape.
I would be leaving many things behind.
But I would be free.
But I couldn't do that.
Maybe not now.
I could not.
Mentally or physically.
I could not be ready.
I should not be ready.
I want to cry.
But I found I can no longer cry.
No longer be able to cry when I am sad.
No longer be able to cry when I feel I want to cry.
When I am crying inside,
I cannot just run away from all this
I could not just leave everything
I could not be so unresponsible
I am selfish
I want to be selfish
Maybe I really am SELFISH