Wednesday, May 12, 2010


I haven't had the chance to finish uploading photos of me at Hong Kong end of last year and I might be going to there again this July. Only, this time it is not for leisure and I predict a stressful mood evolving. I do not know whether I did the correct choice or not and I hope I do not regret for it is certainly an experience and a chance for me to open up my small tiny eyes.

On the other hand, I'm currently enjoying my activities. I'm busy and all my friends starts to complain already. No one dare to make a promise date with me as they know I will cancel them out the last minute. Even me myself do not dare to make any promise. The only promise I made is only to my family as to me, family always come first. And since there something at home which need my attention at times, they come 1st. I always feel bad when I cancel out my friends as I know we've not been meeting for so long and the chances of us meeting became lesser and lesser..

During secondary times after I move to Seri Petaling, my old buddies will come and visit at least once a year. When in late secondary almost form 4-5, my dear old buddies became really just buddies. We don't have the time to meet once a year already. Just connected through the name of buddies and nothing more. When in college, we started to have our own life and freedom. That's where we came to become close buddies again. We get to meet sometimes at 1U mostly. However, still not frequently, but at least, we meet and we re-connected. Eventhough we did not meet for such a long long time, once we meet, it seems as if we are never separated before. We fall in our oldself so comfortably and I'm really happy with them. Time spent with them always put a smile at my face as they are really true.. so true it seems as if they are part of myself. Being with them wouldn't have any worries. Just smile, laughter and craziness. 

I really really appreciate the fact that I had these old buddies that doesn't need much explanation.

Being so emotional is cause of us finally meeting after such a long time. We just met for a short dinner but the time really spent preciously. I'm glad. I'm happy as I finally been able to fullfilled a promise to them. 

When I'm so busy, people ask me, whether is it worth it? And I became confuse. What is it to worth?

I love music. I've been with music from I dunno when. I don't remember the time when I did not know music. I'm not talented. When people knows that I learn 3 instruments, they 'WAHHHH!!!"

What is it to Wah? I learn them just for the sake of I want to learn it. I'm interested in it. I'm neither hardworking nor talented as I do not practice for hours daily. I don't play the music smoothly. I'm never a good student. Ask my teacher and she will tell you. She always have to tell me to practice more. (btw, that's what I always tell my students as well.. and they always answer me like what I answer my teacher. 'OK'  =.=" )

So, I repeat! 

I am not talented. 

I hope I am but too bad, I'm just not. I remember when I'm small I often sit at my piano and imagined I'm some talented and famous pianist performing. But the fact is, I've never had a chance to perform. Not that I'm qualify for it. I just enjoy my music. So, to me, if I am busy because of music activities, I feel it is worth it. Coz I enjoy it. But the fact is, I'm busy partly no related to music. Music just take up half of my time. Another half spent working. And it is this time I'm thinking whether it is worth it or not.

Been thinking of going into full time music. But I did not choose music for my college in the 1st place is because I do not want to treat music as a career. I know eventually I will hate it if I'm going to have it for full time. Now as I only have a little time for my music, I became very interested and happy. And yearn for more. But I know, once I got more, I will get fed up..

We always appreciate things that we don't have. Doesn't we? Well, at least, I do. From the beginning, I always wanted to treat music as a hobby. As something I enjoy. Not something I HAVE TO DO.

Hmm.. Seems like I've been random again.

My initial idea of this post is to announce that I'm going to Hong Kong mid of July if everything went smoothly for a piano competition.

For this competition, I've cried. I've been depressed. I've been thinking of giving up. And that's just at the stage of audition.

Who knows what's waiting for me at the real competition. I just hope I will be strong.

Just don't cry. Don't ever cry. It's so silly to cry. Just work hard and there will be nothing to cry about.


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