Getting old

I think.. I need to admit. I'm getting old. Literally and physically.

I rarely get excited over any matters anymore. I might be happy and excited but not excited excited anymore. (Am I making sense?) it's just that I don't dare to get excitedly anticipating or having high expectations because I'm afraid to be disappointed like I did so many times before.

I don't have many energy anymore for bring jumpy and bubbly all the time. After a whole day work, I just don't have the energy or mood to do anything else other than just sit and watch my dramas.

I envy. I envy people that do so well in their career. I envy those that are successful. I envy those that are so loveable. I envy people surrounding me. I can't get satisfied with what I have anymore.

I get over sensitive over small tiny matter. I don't like it when people stare at me. I get angry when other driver over-take me. I get agitated when someone hone me. I dislike it when people don't remember what I said.

I really don't understand myself anymore. I am afraid. I tried not to be anything like the above. I noticed I changed after I'm back from uk. I don't like it. But my will power to change is just so weak.

I'm hating myself at times.

What am I doing?

Happy Independence Day Malaysia! MERDEKA!

It was 31st August 1957. Everyone was busy preparing themselves, getting themselves ready, look handsome, look pretty, look good basically. Everyone was rushing to Dataran Merdeka. Just to shout together with Tunku Abdul Rahman, our father of Independence, MERDEKA! MERDEKA! MERDEKA!

*******

Today, it is 31st August 2012. 55 years after that meaningful and historical day. 55 years after we fought for our independence. How much had we done?

55 years is actually very young for a country. There is still galaxy of room for improvement. Of course, everyone is trying to be in control to try to IMPROVE Malaysia. (Is that true? Is that purely for the benefit of our country?)

I do not pay attention to the political world. Therefore, it will be unwise for me to comments. And anyway, Independence day shouldn't be connected to political. It should be a day for all Malaysians to just celebrate and be together to commemorate why there is Independence day to celebrate in the first place. ^^

I would have to confess, I'm not a very historical person. My knowledge of history stop after my SPM. (though my result is great...:P) I forgot many facts that I memorise for the exam. Yet, there is still something that stuck. I was born after we got our Independence. Therefore, I do not experience how it is before. However, reading the history of events, I tend to get a general idea. I guess no one like to be in control by anyone. We call Tanah Melayu our country. No matter who you are, as long as you are born in this piece of land, you are now a Malaysian. Does it makes you someone else whether your skin colour is darker or lighter? Or whether your mother tongue is different? 

No. 

We all love Malaysia. We all want the best for our country. We do feel the heartache when something bad happen to her. Many will disagree as they might not feel good being a Malaysian. But think.. do you truly, really, sincerely like to be someone else? Do you really have no love left for our little country? The country you are born in, raise up in, makes friends, learn and play, the country where your family fought for Independence? Do you really do not appreciate all this? 

I do not care much for the well being of the country in actual fact, I turn a blind eye and let it be.. hahaha.. 

However, I tend to get a little emotional everytime 31st August comes by. It reminds me that this is the day where all Malaysians celebrate and appreciate the freedom we have. This day belongs to every Malaysian. Today is when we should shake each other hands and just smile and wish each other Happy Merdeka. Just a simple smile, a simple nod, a simple wish. To show that we appreciate Malaysia. 

Malaysia is still a very baby country, trying to grow up, trying to be adult, trying very hard to be mature. All of us as her guardian should help her. We should all celebrate her birthday and pat her back, telling her that everything is alright. Everything is fine. We will help you to grow up. We will not let you slide back to 55 years ago. We will bring you forward. 

Happy Merdeka Malaysian!

^_^ 

Kaka Art Market July 2012

I finally participate in an art market! ^.^ 

Read all about it here! 

It is definitely and eye-opening experience for me. I hope this is the first of many.. hehe

^_^ 

Reminiscing (Just ranting~)

I was browsing through my photo albums.. photos taken last year.. in UK. Suddenly feel teary eyes. I just fully realised I not only missed my life as a student at Nottingham. I also miss all my friends that I met there, the activities that I do there, the experience that I really really enjoyed. I do wonder.. maybe I should have stay at UK. I don't know. 

Betrayed

The feeling of being betrayed is.. B-A-D


The truth is, I'm not sure whether I'm being betrayed or I'm sure there's something that had happened without my knowledge.

Yea.. It might not have reach the stage of using the word 'betrayed' but that's what I'm currently feeling.

It's when someone you trust, who had seem to have help you a lot and given you lots of advice and suddenly you realise, that her intention might not be 100% favouring you.. It do hurt.

Their intention may not have hurt you physically but then.. You have place all your trust on that person, believing all that she said and do was for your own benefit.

And then, you realise it may not all be the truth. She may have another intention.

That hurts.

Having late dinner

Just meet up with the contractors this evening regarding the construction of my very glamorous wardrobe, my bookshelves and my very cute shoe rack.

Finally settle down on their quotation..

They came with 3D today. Cause I request it from them. The following is our conversation earlier.

Me: hi, can you show some drawings when you come with the quotation?

C: er... What type of drawing? We just quote according to your design wor...

Me: yes, but the measurement and other details was not accurate ma.. So we wanted to see it more clearly do that there is no misunderstanding ma... Furthermore, my dad also want to see some visual so that it is clearer..

C: oh.. Lik tat la.. Ok la. we will show u the drawings.

Then, this evening.. They come with laptop. And show the 3D through sketchup.. Exactly the same as the 3D I gave them as ref. I was actually expecting some 2D drawings or even better rendered 3D visuals.

He just show through the sketchup.. Just like this afternoon earlier where the students keep talking and rotating their space in sketchup and lecturer insist that they at least render the space.

What the.....

Anyway.. Will show you my design here soon.. ^^

Oh.. So that is why we had such a late dinner today.

16th March 2012

I guess I'm still living in my dreams. Feeling all excited about many things, feeling energetic to do various task but in the end, I just lie there and dream.

New Page in Life

I am now heading towards the third month of my new job.

I had avoided blogging about it since the first day as I really do not know what I actually feel or think about it. I had avoided even thinking deeper about it.

Now, it had already been nearly 3 months. Time do flies. I think I had better record down some of my thoughts as I am pretty sure I will forgot all about it in.. few months time.

My new working environment isn't really new. It is quite familiar but at the same time, new. I know I'm not making any sense but it is true. I'm really familiar with some of the staff as well as the building but I'm currently on the other side of the .. 'scene'. So..

Coming back from the UK, I've decided not to go back into the industry. Or rather, I decided to try another type of job. I have to admit that I'm still not very sure I'm going to do this for the rest of my life. I still wonder if I should get back into the industry. Is that for me? I really don't know.

One think I'm very sure is, I'm pretty happy to go to work these days, which doesn't apply when I worked previously before I went to UK. It definitely is a change of environment, job scope, people I'm dealing with and the experience I'm gaining.

There's still so much to learn. I'm really trying hard to not make a fool of myself infront of people. It's hard as I'm actually doing something I did not ever imagine myself doing at all. Until I was offer for it. I tried hard to make myself presentable and also pretend to look confident over matters. I tried to learn more and be more bold at handling different situation. I'm really trying. It's been a few months. I really do hope I did not make a fool of myself.

Oops.

I seem to have avoided mentioning what I'm actually doing now. To speak write the truth, I actually do not really want to let people know of my job. It's not that I'm ashamed of it. I am proud of my work. Don't get me wrong. It's only that people seems to look at me in a weird way when I tell them. It's like:

 you work as a L*******???!! But you are so young? Are you serious?

or

Really? But you are so quiet. The quiet type. Can't really imagine it..

or

L******* ar? Are you sure? You doesn't look like it wor....


That's why.


On the other hand, I'm actually quite enjoying what I'm currently doing now. I may not be doing it very well but at least I'm actually doing something that I have interest on, something I will really put effort in. That's a good start isn't it?

Sometime, I did think about the future. (If the world did not end) What will I be doing in the future? I did have a vague idea of what I want to do but as experience tells me, what I will be doing will not be what I imagined I will be doing. So..

Anyway, I had started again my piano classes. I really do hope to get my ATCL soon. I had put it off for too long. I'm afraid if I put it off again, I will never reach it. The next one is my violin. I still had my Gr8 to go for. Which I thoroughly do not have any confidence. I always wanted to play in ensembles but sadly, most of my friend aren't into them. It is either they are not playing music or they do not want or cannot play together. I just hate it. Why learn if you don't want to play?! In a way, I'm scolding myself as well! >_<"

So, that's so far my progress since I'm home.

On another note, I really do miss my UK student life. It had been tough at times, but most of the time, I do enjoy what I'm experiencing there. I'm thinking whether I will get another chance to go back or not. Maybe another place? Another subject to study? Music this time? France?

每一天一句字

今天的句子


今天天气还蛮不错。 虽然今天的工作有一点点奇怪但今天心情还蛮可以的。。 周末快到了。。心情当然不错哦。 其实今天差一点点就忘了要写句子。 但写来写去都是一样的， 不如在这里写上句号吧。。明天再见。。

Photo of the Day

The word of the Day: Ancient
(Derby,UK 2011)

每一天一句子

我决定了。。 每一天尝试写一句不同的句子。 也许我也会慢慢的进步变成为一个文学家。 好了拉。。我是夸张了一点点很多！ 但，世界什么都有可能吗。。 嘻嘻嘻嘻。。。。。。。


今天的句子
也许刚刚开始， 所以我比较兴奋。。也许是因为太久了。。也许是我三分钟热度。。不管是为了什么， 我很期待就是拉。。

My Travelogue

I've just cleaned up my blog a little and compiled some of my entries regarding my travelling experience together. Click into it to have a look?  ^_^

It's at the left side bar.. with the word TRAVELOGUE.

Or if you are really lazy, click here will do.

Unforgettable Barcelona Trip - Day 1

Back in the days while I'm still at UK, Barcelona is one of the places of must go. Since one of my classmate, Elitzza's boyfriend is staying there, it will be the perfect destination for us. It is a very, highly, superly, greatly memorable place as you will see toward the end of our trip. But let's not spoil the surprise ya. 

After lots of planning and preparing, finally we are ready to fly on the 29th of July 2011. It's the end of MA Expo and therefore, we are officially free from courseworks. 

We took the 7.30am Rynnair flight which means we have to be at East Midland Airport by 5am. Damn early. I think I did not sleep the whole night as I'm afraid I will overslept and partly, I'm too excited. Fiola is staying over for the night as it is too early for her to walk up to Victoria Hall alone. Which makes sleeping more impossible. xD

Anyway, the flight is just around an hour. We are landing at Girona, a smaller city outside Barcelona which according to our will-be-tour-guide, a better choice as we can walk around Girona before taking the train into Barcelona. Which was what we did. 

Nothing much to shout about the flight as it's pretty much the same. Budget flight so as expected, tight seating. Very noisy though. Once landed, we took the bus into the city centre and started exploring. 

While in the bus, we passed by many shops and houses which suddenly reminds me of home. The view of the city look so similar to Asia. Too bumpy to snap any photos but imagine the view when you are on older housing area in KL or maybe your hometown, which still have wood for walls and zinc for roof. These scenery made me homesick for a while. 

But not for long though.  

One thing that I love of European country was their cobbled pathway. I love them very much. Although I suppose I wouldn't enjoy it very much if I were wearing high heels. Nevertheless, it is still fun. Since it is a huge change from what we have in Malaysia. 

I M Loving It 

With Xian 

As we walk and walk, we saw something very nice. Well, it's not unusual, but well. It is nice. 

Grafitti on walls 

As we walk, we pass by this canal or river. I forgot. Anyway, it is quite beautiful. Yes I know. The water look muddy to be call beautiful. But look! The scene. 

Yes. Muddy water. 

Riverside Scene 

Ain't that beautiful? I just love the colours. I suppose if the weather is not 30+degrees, I would have stayed there longer. As it is, I just stayed there long enough to snap myself into the scene, took off my jacket (which I wore during the flight) and ciao. 

With Fiola 

Pink building! 

As the weather gets warmer, we get hotter, and it is time for some breakfast. Or rather, brunch. We stroll around the streets to find a decent cafe for food. And we finally settle on one. 

Not only people like people watching but doggie like people watching as well. 

Our Brunch

Seafood Paella 

Since it is not yet meal time, the restaurant was almost deserted. We decided to just order a dish to try out and maybe later on get some other food. This is what we ordered. Seafood Paella. It is rice basically, which was cooked I assumed with more water than usual and baked with the sauce. It's quite delicious but apparently, it is not the best. We tried another one few days later which taste so much better. Of course, it priced differently as well. I don't remember the price of this Paella though, too long ago. xD

After lunch, we continue exploring the city and we choose to walk on smaller streets as it seems more interesting.  

Still, very colourful buildings. Love them so much. I love the design as there isn't much angular structure. Note that even the corner of the building are rounded. Very delicate design. 

These streets are not straight nor are they flat. Some are ascending and it is hell of trouble to walk since we are carrying our backpack stuff. But, it is a nice environment. 

We walked into a shop selling these local snacks. I suppose they are nougats which I don't really like. So since it is not cheap, we bought nothing. This shop is very interesting though as they sell loads of flavours.  

How can I resist taking photo with these doors?! 

There are many these steps around. Not really fun to climb. xD 

We reach the Cathedral de Girona. Looking up, these group of people seems to be so matching. xD 

To get up there, what else? Climb. 

I'm up! Luckily all the guys went off by the time I climbed up..xD 

Spot me? 

Fantastic View 

Dunno why but this view remind me of Macau..xD 

This cathedral is not really that magnificant. I've seen more that I would prefer. But nevertheless, this place is very scenic. I'm guessing that all the buildings are very colourful which combine the large landscape of colours when we look around us. 

Real? Fake? 

Turtle 

Love this

After the cathedral, it is time to leave for our train to Barcelona as it is already the evening. And we are tired.

The train station 

We finally reach Barcelona after about 2 hours. We slept most of the way as the train is very very super comfy and we are really very tired. As you remember, we did not really slept previous night.

Barcelona

Nice window

Reaching Barcelona, the most difficult part will be to look for our hotel. We don't have a map and the passer-by doesn't seem to know the road as well. We spent almost an hour more to find our hotel. Which is located in those smaller streets.. that only a guy in a coffee shop knows.

After putting down our bags, we walk out for dinner. 

 Everything in Barcelona is Gaudi, Gaudi and Gaudi! All thse crooked crooked and weird weird shaped buildings, all are Gaudi!!!

Dinner

Pizza

Spaghetti 

Dessert

Not a satisfying dinner as the taste very bland. Regretted. Anyway, we are really very tired and therefore decided to call it a day. We went back to hotel and slept. It has been a really really long long day. 

TO BE CONTINUE...