Thursday, February 5, 2009

Dear Diary

hmm.. it's been sometimes since i keep writing here..
now, it's just long-time-1-post-just-for-the-sake-of-updating..
huuh.. wat happen to me? how come i dun lik to write anymore?

u know i know..
it's been a hectic year for me..
since it's the final yr
i feel happy yet sad
more stress

finally i nearly finish my studies
and i get my degree

i'm gonna end my status as student
in a few months time

it's saddening..
being a student hav so many privilege
u dun hav much to worry
except doing well in studies
and making ends meet with limited pocket money..

although worry lesser
stress is definitely befriending me!
u would never guess how much work load we get
everytime my friends ask me doing wat in msn
all i could answer is just MODEL

it starts to bug me
especially i sounded very lame
coz after i said i was doing work
they will say
ok, dun disturb u then..
it made me seems as if i'm telling lie
just to get away from them

with those work load
i seems to do very badly
the worse i ever done since
i enter the design world
it's terrible

i dunno wat gotten into me
i even seems to lost interest
in this field adi
all i ever think now is
how can i improve my music................

i just hate hate hate hate it..


another well noted event this year is
i turned 21!

it suppose to be a big event
and secretly
i hav big hope for it

but i can't even hav time to think about this big event
i hav to submit model at 5th of January
8th is suppose to be the BIG DAY
but i can't seem to get into the moods..

suppose my mood came back when my frens celebrate wif me..
on the 7th
then on the 8th
before this day
my family had been discussing
how to celebrate it
and we had plan to go for Japanese at midvalley
it is not a very special place
but i kinda look forward towards it

it's my BIRTHDAY

things weren't so smooth
my dad stomach wasn't tat good tat day
which spoiled all the mood
we went to ZAkura as well
but went back directly after eating..
it doesn't really connect with the imagination
i hav before..
it doen't seem lik birthday mood

i dunno..
everyone seems to hav a big memorable 21st birthday
but i dun seem lik wan to think back tat day
i just feel dissapointed

that's y
i always say
dun hope too much
it's always dissapoint u...

it is CNY

my grandma is sick
from the moment i enter the world
she had been with me

from small when i get scolded or canned
by mother
she shielded me
she carress me
she wipe my tears
she protected me

when i get in love with a bubbles game
she bought me a whole box to play
when i get into quarrel with my family members
she scolded them and talk sweetly to me


i started mature
i started to know things
i started to grow up



doesn't seem the same
i did not realise when
i do not know why
i just drifted away from her
i started to hav no conversation with her

i just realise this fact few months ago
we stayed in the same house
every single day


we r not tat close anymore
something happened to me
that change everything

i reeally don't no

right before CNY
her back pain
and this start to affect her

she does not seem to be herself anymore
it happened so suddenly


no CNY mood

as during the first few days of CNY
she's worse

everyone is worried
everyone had no mood

it's one of the incident which i know will happened
but does not want it to happened!

some of my friends said
they write when they feel sad
but they wun show it publicly


they say they dun wan their emotions
to be known

i understand
i also wouldn't lik my emotion being known so publicly

i wouldn't mind strangers
but i would mind my frens knowing it

it feel lik
i am directly talking something
those thing might be connected to them

but i just want u all to know
all those words
is just to express myself at that moment

it might not be the same after i write it all out
i might even be more emotional
when i am writing

i dunno

oh god
wat am i crapping here..

write until here
i wish to delete everything

i dunno y
WISH and WILL works differently

u guys still can view
wat i wrote

mayb deep down in my heart
there's many things that i wan to express to u all
but i can do it face to face


i dunno



1 comment:

Jennifer said...

hey.. hmmm. i think tat u may surrounded by all these prob n emotion so tat u would said that or u feel that u lost interest on design... u may hav spend a long time to choose ur path. rite? so, dun give up!!! hav more communication with ur grandma n find more topic to talk lo.. c wat is her interest lo... her past but happy things.. im sure she got a lot to share with u de... (suggestion oni)tomorrow is a mystery... (got c kungfu panda b4)try not to think all de sad things...when time goes by, all de happy things will stick on u de la... trust me!!! n cheer up my dear fren!!!:)