Getting old

I think.. I need to admit. I'm getting old. Literally and physically.

I rarely get excited over any matters anymore. I might be happy and excited but not excited excited anymore. (Am I making sense?) it's just that I don't dare to get excitedly anticipating or having high expectations because I'm afraid to be disappointed like I did so many times before.

I don't have many energy anymore for bring jumpy and bubbly all the time. After a whole day work, I just don't have the energy or mood to do anything else other than just sit and watch my dramas.

I envy. I envy people that do so well in their career. I envy those that are successful. I envy those that are so loveable. I envy people surrounding me. I can't get satisfied with what I have anymore.

I get over sensitive over small tiny matter. I don't like it when people stare at me. I get angry when other driver over-take me. I get agitated when someone hone me. I dislike it when people don't remember what I said.

I really don't understand myself anymore. I am afraid. I tried not to be anything like the above. I noticed I changed after I'm back from uk. I don't like it. But my will power to change is just so weak.

I'm hating myself at times.

What am I doing?