A drop of regret A drop of motivation

It is 7.50am Thursday, 17th December 2009


Very unusual for me to online so early in the morning. However, this morning, I am wide awake. Not even a bit sleepy and I am very much motivated to write a post.

What motivated me?

Okay

It's a quote from my violin teacher yesterday after my lesson end.

"Mei Theng, Would you stop learning after a while? You know la, since you are working now and you learn so much other things. You have so little time to practise now. Haha" Ms Kua

(FYI, I will be preparing my Gr8 for next next year.. 2011)

Anyway, what I tell her is

"um.. I guess I won't give up GEH" Mei Theng

This morning waking up get me thinking about it.

I love my music. That is why I wanted to learn so many different kind of instrument. Yup.. I'm lazy to practise at times. With so much things on hand I sometime don't have the time to practise. When I have it, I am so tired that I just wanted to rest.

But! What important to me is forever important. Music is important to me. I would not give it up. We don't know the future for real. We don't know what would happen in years to come. What we can do is only to make a decision that we would not regret in the future.

I always tell my friends. I do not want to give up on any of my lesson is because I am afraid I would regret in the future. I had had experience.

When I am about 5-6 years old, my mom enrol me to both piano and ballet classes. From what I remember, during that time, I do not feel any interest nor speciality in attending these classes. At times, I even throw a tantrum because I do not want to go for it. I cry and I kick and I sulk.

Times passes. I guess I did not make much improvement in my ballet as one day, the teacher spoke to my mom.

"Exam season is approaching. All the others students will be enrolling to take the exam. But Mei Theng cannot. She cannot really cope up with it. How ar?" Ballet teacher

HOW AR??!

How can a teacher ask a parents HOW AR?

Her job is to make sure I can go for an exam and pass it. But she ask my mom HOW AR?!

Anyway, because of this, my mom ask me:

"Are you really interested in ballet? Or do you want to stop since you don't have interest in it?" Mom

What I answer is obvious and is my regret until today.

"Stop la. I also don't know what to do" Mei Theng

And that is why the Cassie you know today can't dance. She gave up on it when she have a chance to be a worldknown ballet dancer.(ya right..=.=")

Anyway, as I mentioned above, this is my regret. When I saw others dance so gracefully I will think that I gave up a chance to be like that. (Mind you, I don't think this way when I am only 6-7 years old.)

This situation happened similarly to my piano class then as well. (same studio)

I stop the classes after the teacher say the almost similar things to my mother.

I would have gave up the piano for good as well if not for Ms Woo. My piano teacher.

About a year or two later, a leaflet was send to my home.Advertising about homeclasses for piano. My mom and grandma ask me want to go for it or not. At that time I don't really have that much interest in it. Then she say:

"Your cousin sister is now taking lesson in piano. She now can play the piano. Isn't that nice? You don't want to be like that?" Mom

That got me thinking. Maybe I should give it a try. That is how my piano path really started. Not with my ex-teacher which I don't even know the name. I always consider Ms Woo to be my 1st piano teacher.

Since I started classes with her, I have develop a enormous interest in piano that make me can't stop it anymore. I have step into a piano trap and will be there forever which I will not regret.

Anyway, back to the original topic. Violin. So, as I mentioned, since I've already have a taste of regret in my dance classes, I do not want to have the same regret for my violin classes. Which got me motivated enough to continue. I don't play the violin very well. If you want to know, I've failed my Gr7 twice and I don't intend to try for the third time. And don't know why, I've started Gr8 classes. Weird, I know.

For the past months, we did not play any pieces regarding exams. All we did in lessons are just sight reading and practises. This makes me a little 'un'-motivated to continue. Maybe I have to have something to achieve to make me continue. Like being able to play a song. Or even going for exams. At first, I thought that going for exam is too stressful as I am facing my final years, but since I put away exams, I don't have any goals anymore. I don't know whether it is my problem or the teacher. Most probably is contribution of both as she did not provide me with any interesting reportoire that we can play or me not finding the innitiative to find songs myself. Both wrong.

Now, we have decided to attempt Gr8 in early 2011. Which means I have a goal now. To pass Gr8 in one try. Not twice not thrice. ONCE!!!

Therefore, I would not give up. I might have super super little time to practise but that doesn't mean I have to give it up altogether. I know. I am wasting money if I did just that. But what can I say? I love my music. I may have very little time for it. But in the end. I still love them.