Dear Diary

hmm.. it's been sometimes since i keep writing here..

now, it's just long-time-1-post-just-for-the-sake-of-updating..

huuh.. wat happen to me? how come i dun lik to write anymore?

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u know i know..

it's been a hectic year for me..

since it's the final yr

i feel happy yet sad

more stress

finally i nearly finish my studies

and i get my degree

but

i'm gonna end my status as student

in a few months time

it's saddening..

being a student hav so many privilege

besides

u dun hav much to worry

except doing well in studies

and making ends meet with limited pocket money..

although worry lesser

stress is definitely befriending me!

u would never guess how much work load we get

everytime my friends ask me doing wat in msn

all i could answer is just MODEL

or

homework

it starts to bug me

especially i sounded very lame

coz after i said i was doing work

they will say

ok, dun disturb u then..

it made me seems as if i'm telling lie

just to get away from them

with those work load

i seems to do very badly

the worse i ever done since

i enter the design world

it's terrible

i dunno wat gotten into me

i even seems to lost interest

in this field adi

all i ever think now is

how can i improve my music................

i just hate hate hate hate it..

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another well noted event this year is

i turned 21!

it suppose to be a big event

and secretly

i hav big hope for it

but i can't even hav time to think about this big event

i hav to submit model at 5th of January

8th is suppose to be the BIG DAY

but i can't seem to get into the moods..

suppose my mood came back when my frens celebrate wif me..

on the 7th

then on the 8th

before this day

my family had been discussing

how to celebrate it

and we had plan to go for Japanese at midvalley

although

it is not a very special place

but i kinda look forward towards it

coz

anyhow

it's my BIRTHDAY

however

things weren't so smooth

my dad stomach wasn't tat good tat day

which spoiled all the mood

we went to ZAkura as well

but went back directly after eating..

it doesn't really connect with the imagination

i hav before..

it doen't seem lik birthday mood

i dunno..

everyone seems to hav a big memorable 21st birthday

but i dun seem lik wan to think back tat day

i just feel dissapointed

that's y

i always say

dun hope too much

it's always dissapoint u...

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then

it is CNY

absolutely

NO CNY MOOD

my grandma is sick

from the moment i enter the world

she had been with me

from small when i get scolded or canned

by mother

she shielded me

she carress me

she wipe my tears

she protected me

when i get in love with a bubbles game

she bought me a whole box to play

when i get into quarrel with my family members

she scolded them and talk sweetly to me

and

then

i started mature

i started to know things

i started to grow up

and

thing

doesn't seem the same

i did not realise when

i do not know why

i just drifted away from her

i started to hav no conversation with her

i just realise this fact few months ago

we stayed in the same house

together

every single day

but

we r not tat close anymore

mayb

something happened to me

that change everything

i reeally don't no

anyway

right before CNY

her back pain

and this start to affect her

walking

sitting

standing

eating

talking

thinking

she does not seem to be herself anymore

it happened so suddenly

therefore

no CNY mood

as during the first few days of CNY

she's worse

everyone is worried

everyone had no mood

it's one of the incident which i know will happened

but does not want it to happened!

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some of my friends said

they write when they feel sad

but they wun show it publicly

lik

blogging

they say they dun wan their emotions

to be known

i understand

and

i also wouldn't lik my emotion being known so publicly

but

truthfully

i wouldn't mind strangers

but i would mind my frens knowing it

coz

it feel lik

i am directly talking something

sometimes

those thing might be connected to them

but i just want u all to know

all those words

is just to express myself at that moment

it might not be the same after i write it all out

i might even be more emotional

when i am writing

i dunno

oh god

wat am i crapping here..

write until here

i wish to delete everything

but

i dunno y

WISH and WILL works differently

therefore

u guys still can view

wat i wrote

mayb deep down in my heart

there's many things that i wan to express to u all

but i can do it face to face

why?

i dunno

coz

i

am

me!